Runaway Child

I tend to be a runner; in the metaphorical sense.  If in the literal sense, I would be a lot slimmer.  But seriously…I notice as soon as I become uncomfortable, nervous, or if something is not going perfectly, I get the urge to be someplace else, be it mentally or physically.

I know this is the ACOA in me.  I recognize it, but can’t always stop it or control it.  I was recently inducted into my university’s chapter of the National Communication Association Honor Society.  I was assigned to read about 230 words at the induction ceremony; more words than any of the other seven inductees.

I remember using my entertainment center as a make shift podium to practice my reading portion out loud.  Every time I messed up, I turned and left the room.  I practiced my section over and over throughout the day.  When I practiced in my bedroom seated at my computer and fumbled my lines, I would get up, go to the front door and look out. 

So I made another discovery about myself.  I already knew about my compulsive behavior to eat when I’m stressed.  Now I recognized my urge to escape when I’m feeling uncomfortable or unsure of myself; I literally try to walk or run away.  The knowledge is power but the ability to change is the challenge.  I’m still a work in progress.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Self-Sabotage

For all that I have accomplished in the past year with school and writing my book, there are still aspects of my life that I have not improved.  One of my biggest challenges that I am currently facing is with my weight loss efforts.  I will lose ten pounds one month and before I know it, I have gained eleven pounds the following month.

It’s like I see myself going in the right direction then suddenly make a U-turn and travel back down the wrong road.  I am aware of what I’m doing, but for some reason I cannot stop it.  I spoke to my good friend and co-worker Dr. Nicole and she called it self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is self-tale that communicates that we are no good; that we can’t do something, and that we can’t change.  Self-sabotage undermines our belief in ourselves and our motivation to change and grow.

I think because ACOAs tend to ignore our own needs due to the fact that our emotional needs continually take a back seat to our alcoholic parent, we make excuses and talk ourselves out of doing anything good for ourselves.

So it’s another eye-opening week for this ACOA.  I’m a work in progress.  I will continue to work on me because I’m worth it. 


Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Embrace the Challenges of Life

In her book Inside Out, author Kimberly Daniels said that “when we attempt to go around things in life instead of going through them, we keep the same mind-set.  The result is that our mind-set stays un-renewed in the areas of life where we are being challenged.”

I am a classic avoider; I own that.  The problem is that I never realized how much this character trait hurt my development in school, at work, and in life.  I had the spirit of arrested development that denies any growth. 

Now I’m starting to put myself out there more and more each day.  I’m taking on more challenging duties at work.  I can no longer allow fear to rule my life and cause me to avoid new things.  I admit I’m still nervous but as it says in the book of 2^nd Corinthian 5:7, we walk by faith, not by sight.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of and Alcoholic.

From Discomfort Comes Growth

In his book, The Healing Journey for Adult Children of Alcoholics, author Darryl E. Quick revealed that many ACOAs feel isolated and disconnected with people around them.  I certainly feel that way in social settings, especially around new people.  Quick says that it is vital for ACOAs to reach out and risk contact with others.  This way we can gain support, encouragement and the needed reality checks that help restore sanity to our chaotic existence.

Although many of us express the need to change, underneath lies a strong resistance to change.  It really does seem that for most of us the more things we want to change, the more things stay the same. We like to stay in our comfort zone.

This rings true for me.  There are three reasons why we should embrace discomfort, whether we deliberately choose it, or it simply happens to us.

1. Comfort is overrated.  It doesn't lead to happiness.  It makes us lazy and forgetful.  It often leads to self-absorption, boredom, and discontent.
2. Discomfort is a catalyst for growth.  It makes us yearn for something more.  It forces us to change, stretch, and adapt.
3. Discomfort is a sign we're making process.  You've heard the expression, no pain, no gain. It's true! When you push yourself to grow, you will experience discomfort, but in the end, it's worth it.  

The bottom line is you can either be comfortable and stagnate or stretch yourself; become uncomfortable and grow.  You may think that comfort leads to happiness; it doesn't.  Happiness comes from growth and feeling like you are making process.

Hi, I'm Liz Hawkins and I'm an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.