Denial and Discovery

So for nearly a decade I’ve been working sporadically on a project to write a book about my father’s life.  The trouble was figuring out exactly what the book is about.  Is it about his life growing up in the south; the product of an unwed union, and the shame and stigma that comes along with it in the 1910s?  I really had no clue how to proceed, so I hired a writing couch/editor.  The first thing she asked me to write about was how my father's drinking affected me.  What did she mean, how did his drinking affect me? I wondered.  It hadn’t affected me at all, I believed.  It wasn’t until she really started to probe me that I realized and had to admit out loud that my father was indeed an alcoholic.  I just hated that he drank a lot; I used to say totally missing the irony in that statement.  What did I think an alcoholic was; someone that drank only on special occasions?  I was in total denial.  My writing couch told me about an organization called Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) and that I might benefit from reading their literature and attending their meetings.  My controlling nature, inability to express emotions and conflict avoidance are classic characteristics of ACOAs.  At long last: discovery.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.