The Lost Child

My research on the characteristics of the Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) has been both eye-opening and disconcerting.  On the one hand, I am gaining a greater understanding into my own psyche; getting in touch with my inner self or inner child.  On the other hand, it’s a little unsettling to learn all this stuff so late in life.  I’ve been surfing the Internet and reading various articles about ACOAs.  In my reading, I discovered that I identified with being what is called the “lost child”.  The lost child demands little and receives the same.  Positive characteristics include having good observation skills, being a good listener, being independent, and not demanding of others.  Negative characteristics include denying one’s own feelings, being detached, unable to develop close relationships, and depression.  This made me depressed just reading it.  It reminded me of some of my past romantic relationships.  For example, I would always be the one that gave the great Christmas gifts, especially if my boyfriend at the time had children.  I rarely received gifts in return.  When asked what I wanted, I always said that I didn’t need anything.  I think I secretly wanted them to be creative and come up with a gift for me on their own.  This proved to be a double edged sword because, when I did receive an occasional gift, I was generally disappointed.  However, I never expressed my disappointment.  I always conveyed my gratitude and told myself that it was the thought that counted; thus denying my feelings.  Thinking about it now, I have to ask myself how much of this disposition had to do with being ACOA or the religious teachings that were imposed on me.  We were taught in bible school to be like Jesus, who was meek as a lamb.  I will have more to ponder another day.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.