Empowerment in 2016

One of the things I vowed to work on in 2016 is my need for people pleasing.  Adult children tend to be approval seekers.  This is ironic in my case because when I do receive approval and praise for my outstanding work or abilities, I have a hard time believing it or accepting it.  But I also seem to have a need to be liked or a need to be needed. 

This is where my people pleasing trait kicks in.  I have a neighbor that can’t keep a job to save his life.  So I hire him during the summer to mow my lawn.  But it never fails - I’ll get a text message from him asking for an advance on his pay.  I’ll give it to him; and he’ll be in advance mode all summer.  When he got a job during the fall I was elated; however, he lost it just before Christmas.  Then the text messages started: “can you spare 20 bucks so I can get some groceries.”  I’ve said “I can’t spare it” so many times it’s not funny.  His most recent text was "can you spare 20 bucks so I can get my wife a birthday gift."  Really?  I didn't respond.  In fact, I blocked his number.  It's probably not the best way to handle the situation but at the time I just had to make it stop. 

My co-worker said I should be saying “I won’t” instead of "I can't."  There is a big difference.  “I can’t” implies that something is preventing me from doing so, that is, if it weren’t for the “something” I could and would spare the 20 bucks.  But “I won’t” says “no, I will not give the money,” which is more empowering.  I want empowerment in 2016.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.