One of the things I vowed to work on in 2016
is my need for people pleasing. Adult
children tend to be approval seekers.
This is ironic in my case because when I do receive approval and praise
for my outstanding work or abilities, I have a hard time believing it and
accepting it. But I also seem to have a
need to be liked or a need to be needed.
This is where my people pleasing trait kicks
in. I have a neighbor that can’t keep a
job to save his life. But I hire him during
the summers to mow my lawn. But it never
fails - I’ll get a text asking for an advance on his pay. I’ll give it to him; and he’ll be in advance
mode all summer. When he got a job
during the fall I was elated; however, he lost it just before Christmas. Then the text messages started again: “can you
spare 20 bucks so I can get some groceries.”
I’ve said “I can’t spare it” so many times it’s not funny. My co-worker said I should be saying “I
won’t”. There is a big difference. “I can’t” implies that something is preventing
me from doing so, that is, if it weren’t for the “something” I could and would
spare the 20 bucks. But “I won’t”
straight up says “no, I will not give the money,” which is so empowering. I want empowerment.
Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child
of an Alcoholic.
No comments:
Post a Comment