Don't criticize me

There is something that I personally need to work on in 2016, and that’s not letting what I perceive as personal criticism get under my skin.  Over the weekend, I made a decision about what my research paper topic would be for my senior seminar class at Trinity University and submitted to my professor.  When I mentioned it to a friend, this person said that the topic was too easy for me, and that my mother could probably write the paper.  Now this person believes that I am a smart person so I could have taken the comment as a compliment, but I didn’t.  I was ticked.  The physiological feeling that I experienced was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and a rise in body temperature (probably a hot flash).  I also felt defensive. 

I’m sure my reaction had something to do with being ACOA but I wasn’t sure how.  I believe this was a throwback reaction to how I felt as a child when my parents seemed to shoot down every idea I had; everything I wanted to do, or every occupation I considered pursuing when I became an adult.  I remember being talked out of wanting to become a journalist because my parents didn’t think it a practical profession.  If I wanted to participate in some social event, they had a list of reasons why I could not attend.  I felt defeated and gave up expressing my wants and needs to them.  I became the good daughter and thus, never focused much me anymore.  Now when I do stand up for myself, I feel guilty.  This is ridiculous, I know, but it’s so ingrained it’s automatic.  Now when I think someone is criticizing what I’m doing, I feel like that young girl who so wanted to stomp her foot and scream at her parents and say, “no I don’t want to do that, I want to do what I want to do.”

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.