I Am Changing

Today is my birthday.  For years on my birthday I used to always criticize myself for not being where I thought I should be in life by a certain time.  According to my self-imposed barometer, I always missed the mark.  I judged myself harshly, which I just recently learned so late in life is what Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) typically do.  Understanding has been liberating, but I need more.  I need to change or the knowledge I am gaining about myself is all for nothing; a waste of time.  I loved the movie Dream Girls with Jennifer Hudson in the role of Effie White.  Some of the lyrics to the song she sings “I Am Changing” speak to me.

             I am changing, trying every way I can.

I am changing, I’ll be better than I am.

I am trying to find a way to understand.

But I need you, I need you, I need a hand.

ACOA has really helped me open up more and realize that it’s all right to need help and ask for help.  It’s even better when you receive help.  I am learning that there is a better way to live.  It’s okay to be self-sufficient, but it’s also okay to be a part of a community to share your burdens when needed.  The song goes on to say:

             All of my life, I’ve been a fool.

Who said I can do it all alone?

How many good friends have I already lost?

And how many dark nights have I known?

Walking down that wrong road, there was nothing I could find.

All those years of darkness can make a person blind.

Well, today is my birthday; my 54^th birthday.  And I am thankful to be walking down the right road; out of darkness and into the marvelous light.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.