Acceptance and Approval

I’m in my pondering mode again.  I've been reading a book called The Perfect Daughter by Dr. Robert Ackerman; it’s an ACOA book.  Under the section entitled Collecting Emotional Baggage, Dr. Ackerman says that many adult daughters express a need for their fathers’ acceptance and approval. 

My father died when I was 21 years old but I have been searching my mind to try to remember if I felt that my father approved of my choices.  I think that I was so busy trying to do all the things that I knew would please him that I never really ventured out on my own; down my own path.

As a student at Trinity University, my professor this semester put a picture of a road on the overhead projector.  The road looked rough and was filled with potholes.  The trees lining the road were tall and green with the sun peeking through the leaves.  Just around the bend was dense underbrush that it looked almost impenetrable.

When the professor asked what our interpretation of the picture was, I recall focusing on bumpy road and that thick underbrush.  I thought the picture represented me somehow.  I felt that I wouldn’t want to take that road, it looked too hard.  What if I couldn’t make it through? 

I always wanted to do the things that came easy for me; never wanted a challenge.  I always followed the path my parents wanted me to take; ensuring approval.  These days I am venturing down those scary and uncomfortable roads.  I am always surprised when I accomplish such massive feats; well at least massive in my mind.  And when I get approval, acceptance and praise from professors, employers, and peers I almost don’t believe it.  That’s an ACOA trait that I'm learning to overcome; being able to accept praise.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.