Shifting Gears

ACOAs and those who love us can shift the patterns that have been created in our relationships. Here are some strategies that I am trying to incorporate in my everyday life:

Focus on self-care: Self-care is a way of taking responsibility for your own needs. While you focus on activities that assist in your growth, you will be less tempted to rescue others. Figure out which activities and people can help you when you are overwhelmed and in need of empowerment.

Communicate authentically: Try to be aware of when you are trying to control or manipulate a situation, because if you are, then you are not speaking your ultimate truth. If you feel numb, disconnected, or confused, attempt to gain clarity before communicating by writing down your thoughts and feelings.

Have conversations after releasing emotions: Acknowledging, feeling, and releasing your emotions will help you to clearly express your feelings first before sharing them. After doing this, you will be able choose your words more carefully, which will make them more powerful and meaningful.

Say what you mean, even when it’s hard: Be careful of committing to things you don’t want to do, or saying what you think others want to hear. The more you say the kinds of things that are difficult for you, the easier it will become. To gain confidence, start by opening up to people that you think will be supportive, and work your way up to speaking truthfully when it’s more difficult.

Set healthy boundaries: Communicate to your partner what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate, and what you plan to do if they do not respect your boundaries. This can be difficult to do, and it requires self-awareness and practice.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.