An Al-Anon blogger once posted
that detachment is neither kind nor unkind.
It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation
from which they are detaching.
Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another persons’
alcoholism can be a means of detaching. This
does not necessarily require physical separation. She said that detachment can help us look at our situation
realistically and objectively.
If this blogger is suggesting
that it’s all right to be a detacher, I disagree. I certainly understand how an ACOA becomes a
detacher. Like me, they may not even
realize that they are detaching. It may have been developed as a coping mechanism from a very young age. But
knowledge is power. And now that I can see my
detacher characteristic for what it really is, I must vow to do better.
I find that when I am not willing
to deal with anything or anyone that makes me uncomfortable, my first impulse
is to leave. This approach does not
allow me the opportunity to work things out or find solutions. The emotional motivation for the ACOA
detacher is to avoid being hurt and trying to become non-feeling or emotionally
numb.
I believed that by detaching, I was
protecting myself. I thought that if I
didn’t detach, I would be vulnerable and not in control of my emotions. The hard work begins with consciously trying
to unlearn this coping mechanism that I have employed for so many years. It’s time to face the uncomfortable
situations of life head on.
Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an
Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
No comments:
Post a Comment