Intimacy Issues

Developing the skills necessary to establish positive emotional intimacy is the most critical developmental task for children of alcoholics.  Intimacy problems begin when people push you away and reject you.  The core of all intimacy problems is a fear that other people will abandon you.

Growing up, my family did not hug and kiss each other and there were no verbal expressions of love.  My father was born out of wedlock and rejected by his paternal side of the family.  My mother was a child of an alcoholic parent.  Between the two, neither of my parents developed the skills needed to express emotional closeness.

I grew up being emotionally isolated from my own feelings and from people around me.  As an adult, I confused intimacy with something else.  For example, for years in my relationships with men, I constantly gave too much in hopes of receiving something in return.  Instead of the intimacy I sought, I just got taken for granted.  Robin Norwood points this problem out repeatedly in her book Women Who Love Too Much (1985).

I am thankful for this knowledge.  It keeps me from continuing on the emotionless track that I traveled for years.  I must say knowledge is very freeing.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.