I just finished reading Purple Hibiscus by Nigerian author Chimamanda
Ngozi Adichie. It tells the lives of a
Nigerian family through the eyes of the 15-year old daughter, Kambili. She and her older brother Jaja lead a
privileged life. Their father is a
wealthy and respected businessman, and they live in a beautiful house. But soon we learned that the appearance of
their happy home life is just a façade.
As an adult child of an alcoholic, I too
feel that my life is somewhat of a façade.
The outer appearance that I show to the world is what I believe the
world expects to see and is normal.
However, I realize that I don’t really know what normal is. What I’m familiar with is family
dysfunction. It’s been my only model
growing up in a home with an alcoholic father and ACOA mother. My choices in life and in choosing a mate
were based purely on what was familiar to me. I didn’t know any better then but that
familiarity has bred contempt over the years.
In North America, hibiscus symbolizes a
perfect wife or woman. I have lived the majority of my life trying to be perfect; only in recent years understanding
that perfection is part of the ACOA façade.
Learning and understanding my past is helping me to carve out a brighter
future for myself. I’m still taking
things one day at a time.
Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering
Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
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