My Feelings and Me

I have trouble getting in touch with my feelings.  This is because I tend to ignore my feelings or deny that I have feelings.  I try to pretend that nothing bothers me or hurts me.  I don’t like feeling vulnerable, so I always have my armor on to protect and shield myself from hurtful feelings.

This is the way my ACOA mother taught me to be.  She said crying about something that hurts you or drinking your troubles away (a dig at my father) was a waste of time.  She viewed this as being weak and I was taught to be strong, independent, and to let things like emotions roll off my back like water on a duck's back.  She was full of little idioms like that.

Anyway, it’s no wonder I felt different growing up.  I felt like a square peg trying to fit into the round circle of life.  Truthfully, I still feel that way at times.  The good news is I’m aware and can actively work on changing.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.