The Silent Woman

The Strong Black Woman (SBW) label leaves no room for vulnerability; thereby no room for healing.  Over time, the SBW gets labeled as angry, which carries a negative connotation.  On her “Fix My Life” series, spiritual life coach, Iyanla Vanzant used the term Silent Women to described those black women who give more in a relationship than they received; trying to enhance someone else’s life.

After hearing this, I realized that I’ve been the Silent Woman many times in my relationships with men over the years.  It made me wonder if the reason stems from a longing to somehow make my father’s life better.  Perhaps at an early age I sensed his pain; the shame he carried for being born out-of-wedlock, and the abandonment he must have felt from his paternal family members’ failure to acknowledge him as one of their own. 

I was the best daughter I could be but it wasn’t enough to lift his spirits and give up the drinking.  So I became the SBW for every man in my life.  Now, I understand my burdens in life and know that it’s time to let go of past hurts and be free.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.