Codependency and ACOA

Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACOA) literature talks about being codependent; I never have identified as codependent.  I didn’t think it was applicable to me.  However, I’m learning that being ACOA and codependency go hand-in-hand. 

Children from alcoholic families tend to take on roles in order to survive such as the role of caretaker, which I felt a tremendous need to look out for my alcoholic father by making sure he ate and driving him to the liquor store so he wouldn't drive drunk.  True, I was enabling him but I felt there was no other alternative.  I also became somewhat of a clown; laughing and making jokes in order to conceal my shame and pain.  And of course, I am a classic avoider; avoiding conflict, difficult conversations, and anything else I perceive to be hard or uncomfortable.

Codependency makes it difficult to see your own thoughts, feelings and actions clearly because your focus is primarily on others.  In codependency, value comes from the opinions of others and safety comes from feeling needed.  I thought codependency only pertained to two people that depended heavily upon one another.  Now I’m learning that my strengths of being helpful, self-sacrificing, hard-working, trustworthy, and self-sufficient can turn into codependency when the need to be needed becomes a major factor in order to feel valued.  I have to admit that I have felt the need to be needed many times.  This is heavy duty stuff y’all.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.