Like Father, Like Daughter

I grew up with an alcoholic father whom I both loved and hated at the same time. I loved the man, but hated the alcoholism. He could not really function without having a drink. An introvert by nature and suffering with low self-esteem, my father drank to ease his anxiety and hide his insecurities. With lower inhibitions, he could be more relaxed; especially in social situations. The drink also gave him courage to stand up for himself; even if it meant getting into arguments and saying hurtful things.


I loathed his drinking and the person he became when drunk. I promised myself that I would never be a drunk. But am I really any different? Taking a deep look inside, I find that I too am introverted, uncomfortable in most social situations, and suffered with low self-esteem for many years. But instead of turning to booze, I use food. When I'm anxious, I eat. The primary culprits are cookies and potato chips, which floods my brain with dopamine and makes me happy.


Just as junk food leads to powerful cravings, so does alcohol. This is what happened to my father. I'm now sorry for judging him so harshly. Addiction is a disease, for which professional help is needed to overcome.


Hi, I'm Liz Hawkins and I'm an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Wanting Change

Part of my journey as a recovering ACOA is trying to become more transparent.  This isn’t easily.  Growing up under a cloud of shame and pain caused my heart to become hard as a child.  I pretended my father was not an embarrassing ‘fall down’ drunk.  I did this by ignoring him as much as possible.  And to the outside world, I pretended that my family life was ‘normal’.  This façade followed me into adulthood and became a metaphorical mask that I have wore for decades.

I now trying to live my life with an unveiled face.  This process is hard because it requires me to be exposed; not pretending, not acting like I’ve got it all together, not watering down where I have been, or like it was no big deal.  Although I want to change, I still struggle in many areas in my life.  But through prayer I know I will be victorious.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#ACoAAwareness

@TrinityUniv