Thanksgiving Past

I used to dread the holidays.  My dysfunction family made it impossible to love.  After my father died and we kids were all on our own, we used to gather the family together for the holidays.

After dinner, my brothers and their wives would gather around the television drinking.  It would not be long before a fight ensued.  It would either be brother against brother; husband against wife, or sisters-in-law arguing with one another.  Their children were young, but I know it had to affect them.  I did my best to comfort the kids who watched their out-of-control parents in horror.

I don’t like the holidays that much because of my past experience.  These days a quiet dinner at home with my spouse is good enough for me.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

So What’s Good about being ACoA?

Sometimes I get sick and tired of the negative characteristics of being an offspring of an alcoholic.  We have to be more than just a sad face hiding behind a mask.  Some of the negative characteristics are children of alcoholic tend to lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth; they don’t cope well with change; they have a hard time expressing their needs; they tend to be indecisive, the list goes on.  Do ACOAs have any good characteristics?

Amy Eden, author of Adult-Child Issues, Raise Yourself Up offers that we can take those negative characters and use them for good.  We can even change the world by realizing that we are tough, imaginative, sensitive, and creative.

An online article entitled What’s Your Great Asset provides 5 strengths of an ACOA:

We can empathize:  We are exceptional listeners.  We’ve spent so many years thinking about the feelings of other, before ourselves, that we’re deeply talented at putting ourselves in other people’s shoes.

We are independent:  Because we didn’t think highly of the authority figures in charge of us for so many years, we’ve got lots of opinions about how to run things.

We are creative:  So many children of alcoholics go into the arts.  They are actors, writers, and painters.  Our sensitivity – to animals, to people in pain – gives us a third eye and ear that allows us to see and hear the realities of the human condition.

We are resilient:  We are survivors.  We are growing, healing, and redefining our futures.  Resilience is the ability to recover from insult or injury.

We are calm:  Children of alcoholics would make great emergency room doctors, nurses, paramedics, or fire fighters.  We are hard to shock, and we can stay calm in the midst of chaos.

This list makes me feel like less of a freak and more like a regular person.  Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#ACoA_Awareness

Breaking the chains

It saddens me that I have wasted so much of my life being bound by the chains of ACOA family dysfunction.  When I think back when I was elementary school, my teachers often commented on my report card that: Elizabeth is not working at her full potential.

I was an under-achiever because I was hiding under the shame of my dysfunctional family structure.  I never wanted to attract attention to myself.  I never wanted stand out or be singled out.  I downplayed my talents and dummied down my intelligence.  I just wanted to fit in and be normal.  The problem was - I didn't know what normal looked like. 

To be honest, I haven’t changed much.  But being introduced to the Adult Children of Alcoholics Organization has really helped me understand the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.  That’s why I am advocating for a national awareness day.  There are adults now in their 20s, 30s, 40s, even 50s and beyond that don’t realize they are ACOA.  An awareness day could make a difference in their lives. 

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#myacoalife

#ACoA_Awareness

Follow me on Twitter @TrinityUniv

Have Fun

Growing up with an alcoholic father and an ACOA mother placed a high burden of responsibility on me and I was constantly seeking approval.  This has stayed with me throughout my adulthood.  I tend to be oversensitive to the needs of others; my self-esteem seems to come from other people’s judgments, and I seem to have a need for perfectionism and acceptance.

I also find it hard to completely relax.  Even when everything is going great, I’m usually worrying about something.  However, I cherish those rare moments when I can completely be in the moment, relax and be myself.  One such moments came recently when I attended my grand-nephew’s first birthday party. 

Ever since I began to understand what it means to be ACOA, I am learning to have fun like my life depends on it.  For ACOAs this is really hard to do.  The truth is, living with an alcoholic is the most boring thing you will ever do.  All that burden of responsibility, being on edge 24/7, having to be the sensible one, the entire time.  It’s exhausting.
I pledge to myself to make more time for fun activities and unburden myself from the past.  Letting my hair down won’t turn me into my alcoholic parent; it will release me from the responsibility trap it put on me.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I am a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#myacoalife