Breathing out the anxiety

One problem that adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) have is that we fear failure, but sabotage our successes.  It’s such a contradiction but I find that it’s true in my case.  Someone recently told me that I was a complicated and fascinating person.  Although the word ‘fascinating’ sounded flattering, I questioned it.  What’s so fascinating about me?  I thought.

Instead of taking the observation as a compliment I focused on the word ‘complicated’ and it made me feel anxious.  Because ACOAs struggle with what is normal, the statement sent me into a tailspin about about my ongoing quest for perfection.  I know, trying to be perfect is ridiculous but it’s just one of those annoying ACOA traits.

I’m learning to let myself feel good and work toward increasing good in my life.  My state of mind and mood are my responsibility.  I can breathe out the negative and anxiety that are in me and breathe in peace and serenity.  I’m learning to give myself a break and taking one day at a time.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#ACoAAwareness

www.innerlook.com

I Have Faith

I am relying on my faith to sustain me and guide me.  Faith is my constant companion.  It leads me through passages of terrifying darkness and blinding light.  Growing up as a child of an alcoholic and then an adult child of an alcoholic, I let my vices be my friends.  But they were not true, they let me down.

I’m learning to lean on Jesus or should I say, I’m remembering to lean on him.  I’d forgotten somewhere along the way.  Now I let my faith lead me and it allows me to walk on a well-lit path, to strike out on my own and cut my way through the underbrush.

On this long journey of human life, faith is the best of companions and it is the greatest property.  I pray I never forget it again.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m a recovering adult child of an alcoholic.

#ACoAAwareness

What lies just below the surface?

Karly Randolph Pitman, writer, teacher, and champion for healing wrote that, like an iceberg, what drives overeating lies below the surface.

Being an adult child of an alcoholic lends itself to a variety of issues.  I tend to be an avoider.  I avoid conflict and anything I deem as hard.  This causes me a great deal of anxiety and I tend to soothe myself with food.

In a nutshell: overeating is an attempt to feel safe and connected in the face of disconnection, overwhelm, pain and separation.  My emotional eating meets a need.  The challenge is to identify the need and change the fix to something more positive.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

The Addictive Personality

While in the process of writing a novel about my father’s life, I often wondered how he became an alcoholic.  Although, alcohol is an addictive substance, people react differently to it.  Some people do not become addicted.  However, that doesn’t mean there is no risk of addiction associated with it.  The answer is that some people have addictive personalities, which make them more susceptible to addiction.

My father was born out of wedlock during an era in time where this was considered a great shame.  He was not acknowledged by his paternal side of the family.  And I believe the root of his alcoholism came from carrying that burden of shame his whole life.  I’m sure he felt unwanted and undeserving. 

He most likely turned to alcohol at an early age to deal with the troubles in his daily life.  This, in turn, negatively impacted his personal relationships and family life.  I used to get so mad at him for being a drunk.  But I now have a better understanding.  All I can do now is work hard to break the cycle of generational addiction that still plagues my family.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#ACoAAwareness