Burdens Carried Over from Childhood

Comedy is tragedy plus time.  This is a famous quote by American author and humorist, Mark Twain, and this quote is a fundamental truth about much humor.  Imagine that you see a person riding a bike down a hill and flipping head over heels into a pond.  If this happened as you watched, it would be a tragedy -- head injuries, etc.  But imagine looking back on this event, given the distance of time, and distance from the upsetting emotions of the moment.  The visual imagery can be quite funny.  Many times we can look back at events in our own life -- a lover breaking up with you, for example -- and we can laugh about this years later.  

This is what I’ve been doing regarding incidents involving my father’s drinking when I was growing up.  My father died over 30 year ago and my mother and I still laugh at some of his incidents of disappointing us; like the time he failed to pick us up from the Greyhound bus station after we traveled 22 hours from Florida.  When we finally arrived home after midnight, he had locked the storm door and was in the house passed out.  We stood outside knocking and calling him for over an hour.  Now when we recall this and other stories we laugh.  I guess we laugh to keep from crying or being incensed about it all over again.  But I fear we are only kidding ourselves.  My mother, like me is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.  Her coping mechanism was to laugh or joke about the embarrassment her father caused.  I chose to ignore my father as often as I possibility could. 


ACOA literature teaches that ACOAs are unable to relax and have fun because it is stressful, especially when others are watching.  I feel that this is spot on in my case.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I had a drunk for a father.  To this day, I really don’t want people to know that I am married to an alcoholic.  Well, they know now --- but the child inside me is frightened, and in an effort to appear perfect, I try to exercise strict self-control.  It’s just more built up burdens from childhood.  It’s getting mighty heavy.


Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.