I met with my university advisor last
week and verified that I need to take only four courses to be eligible to
graduate. This is exciting news for
me. This spring, I am enrolled in senior
seminar in communication; a course developed to encourage students to review
their study of communication from a variety of different perspectives. The main requirement is to complete a major
research project. I immediately became
afraid and intimidated by the class after one week. Intimidated by the professor, by the course
work, and by the other students. I felt
as if I were not ready to be in such an advanced course.
Some of the ACOA laundry list traits
began to rear their ugly heads. I remembered
that the adult child sometimes feel isolated and afraid of people and authority
figures; fear personal criticism, and tend to judge themselves harshly and have
a low sense of self-esteem. I was
seriously thinking about withdrawing from the class; convincing myself that I’m
in over my head. I was starting the let
my fears get the better of me.
However, in ACOA, we must remember
that we are not alone. Recovery is
different than when we were children and had to face our feelings of fear,
isolation, and despair alone. We learn
to “sit” with them without acting out. We can hug a pillow, lie on the floor or
take a walk. In my case, I meditated for awhile and
came away with the renewed sense of self confidence. I believe I can do anything I set my heart
and mind to and not be afraid of the challenge.
The book of Acts, in the holy bible, chapter 18, verses 9
and 10, tells us “do not be afraid, keep on speaking, do not be silent! For I am with you, and no one is going to
attack and harm you.”
Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult
Child of an Alcoholic.
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