The Detacher

An Al-Anon blogger once posted that detachment is neither kind nor unkind.  It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which they are detaching.  Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another persons’ alcoholism can be a means of detaching.  This does not necessarily require physical separation.  She said that detachment can help us look at our situation realistically and objectively.

If this blogger is suggesting that it’s all right to be a detacher, I disagree.  I certainly understand how an ACOA becomes a detacher.  Like me, they may not even realize that they are detaching.  It may have been developed as a coping mechanism from a very young age.  But knowledge is power.  And now that I can see my detacher characteristic for what it really is, I must vow to do better.

I find that when I am not willing to deal with anything or anyone that makes me uncomfortable, my first impulse is to leave.  This approach does not allow me the opportunity to work things out or find solutions.  The emotional motivation for the ACOA detacher is to avoid being hurt and trying to become non-feeling or emotionally numb.

I believed that by detaching, I was protecting myself.  I thought that if I didn’t detach, I would be vulnerable and not in control of my emotions.  The hard work begins with consciously trying to unlearn this coping mechanism that I have employed for so many years.  It’s time to face the uncomfortable situations of life head on.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins, and I’m an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.