I just returned from a mini vacation to Las Vegas, Nevada, today. It's not my first time to Vegas but during this trip the slogan '"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" struck a familiar chord. One of the cardinal rules growing up in an alcoholic home is "There's nothing wrong here and don't you dare tell anyone." To talk openly about growing up with an alcoholic parent is like breaking the shroud of silence.
My mother, like me, is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. She grew up experiencing the shame of having a drunk for a father too. And she passed on the message to me that what happens in our house, and what's said is no one else's business.
I was in denial about my family situation for many years. I convinced myself that my life and upbringing was normal and I had come through just fine. But when I overcame the barrier of denial, I see that I have been profoundly affected because it requires me to confront the consequences of this disease in a very personal way.
Although I have learned so much in the last eight months or so about how I've been affected by my father's drinking, I still find it hard to believe that I'm not perfectly fine and unaffected by it all. I supposed I've been great at hiding my feelings or burying my emotions so far down that I've forgotten that they exist. In fact, I feel that I have some form of selected memory loss because I don't remember much of my childhood. I seem to have gotten really good at forgetting the unpleasant memories and only recalling the pleasant memories.
When I do recall an unpleasant memory, I tend to turn it into a joke. I wonder if I should seek professional help in recollecting the unpleasant memories and deal with them; or just let them be. It just something more for me to ponder.
Hi, I'm Liz Hawkins and I'm a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
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