I grew up hearing idioms such as: it's better to give than to receive. I supposed the reason for this was to safeguard me from becoming a selfish, self-centered person. However, recognizing others' needs; honoring their feelings, and being responsive to the needs of others while ignoring my own needs has been a big problem for me growing up a child of an alcoholic.
There is a hidden downside to prioritizing giving over receiving; it has to do with interpersonal relating. I find it difficult to receive love, caring and compliments. I silently squirm inside when someone offers a kind word or a present.
Growing up in an alcoholic home I took on the role of the hero or responsible child. And I'm just learning that this role is not all good. My alcoholic father did not provide emotional support to the family, and my ACOA mother focused on that absence. This left me to fend on my own. I learned to handle life and all its realities. But I don't think I learned to handle everything very well.
I think giving and doing for others provide me with the attention and recognition that I craved. And I've been carrying that baggage all these years. I think the next time offers me a compliment, gift, or even a hug I will be mindful of my feelings then allow myself accept it without feeling guilty or selfish.
Hi, I'm Liz Hawkins and I'm a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
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