Stop Beating Myself Up

One of my favorite songs is called Don’t Let Me Get Me by Pink.  The first line in the chorus: Don’t let me get me.  I’m my own worst enemy, really speaks to me.  I feel like I get in my own way because of lack of faith in myself. 

I spend more time regretting things that I’ve done or decisions I’ve made because I don’t seem to trust myself or trust my instincts.  For example, back in March I was signed up for a Media Ethics course at Trinity University.  The class description looked tedious and talked myself out of taking the class; so I dropped it.  I’ll take my final two courses in the fall, I rationalized.  I was signed up for economics and another course when in August the University informed me that I was not required to take the economics class.  I could have kicked myself.  If I’d only taken that Media Ethics class in March, I would have been finished taking all my required courses for graduation.

Author Peter Shallard wrote, if you beat yourself up, or if you think you’re not doing good-enough, or if you constantly feel like you’ve got under-utilized potential then you don’t trust yourself.  It’s true.  I seem to be terrified to allow myself to feel good.  Shallard says that we are afraid that if we do feel good, our motivational drive will disappear.  We don’t trust we will still want to create, give or grow.

The challenge for me is to find a way to break the self-perpetuating cycle that I’ve created of stress and anxiety to ensure I never get to the happy place.  That way I can finally stop beating myself up; give myself a break and be happy.

Hi, I’m Liz Hawkins and I’m a recovering Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

#myacoalife

#generationaladdictions